this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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