Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize