Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
