epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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