Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
