Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize