she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize