i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
