woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
