so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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