i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
