Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
