My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
