i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
