This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
