I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize