it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
