Dual....:-)
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
