I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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