I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
