Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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