I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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