I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
