he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
