Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
