He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
