Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
