so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
