Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
