taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
