Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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