wakey wakey hands off snakey
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize