My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
