i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize