I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
