I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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