y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
