we made out on top of his cat.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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