I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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