farters have to be the big spoon...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I didn't notice because vodka
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize