wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
