So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
