Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
