My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
