So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
