I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
