Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
