She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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