he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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