What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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