I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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