now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
