I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize