I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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