Don't make out with my wife yet
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
