i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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