Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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