It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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