whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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