You smell like stripper and shame
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize