my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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