I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
