I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's blow job season.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
