I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
