i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
