In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
