Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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