Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
