I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
